Why people do what they do

Why People Do What They Do

Up until now most of what has been posted here has been an attempt to explain what behavior is 

clinically and what my reasons are for sharing some of these thoughts. Again these are my perceptions 

and you are free to disagree, but before you dismiss any of them, please give them some thought.

    

Relationships are a subject that is the most fascinating to me and people have written volumes about 

what they are and how they work. Some are good and some are bad.

I am going to keep it short and simple and not bore you with a lot of scientific data.

Let’s just call relationships “the way people think of and interact with other people in any given situation.” We have family, acquaintances, friends, and close friends.  For this I want to focus on friends and close friends.

Friendships are like live organisms.  They are born (some slowly, some quickly), they have a varying life span, and then in most cases at some point they die (some slowly, some quickly).  Sometimes the reason for it ending is known and sometime it isn’t.

   

I want start out briefly looking at two dysfunctional friendships where people become entangled.  This is going to continue for several weeks, these are the two I wanted to look at first.  We will look at healthy friendships too, but like I said, I don’t want to be too boring.

1.  This relationship is one I call “The New Best Ever”.  Person A is a close friend of Person B.    Person A meets a new friend, Person C, and proceeds to talk incessantly to Person B about what a great new friend he has made and all the ways Person C is the most fantastic person they have known and all the things they have planned. Usually Person C turns out to not be such a great person, and Person A moves on until they find “the new best ever”.   Most people (male and female), don’t want to hear over and over again how much better your other friends are than they are, but they are not going to say anything, because the defense mechanisms go up and it usually ends in an argument.  Remember all behavior is a choice and it takes two people to have any kind of relationship, so by not confronting Person A, Person B is actually enabling him to continue his inconsiderate and sometimes hurtful behaviors.   It’s not always done intentionally, but can be a problem.

2.  The second and much more hurtful friendship is the “If Nothing Better Comes Along” ploy.

In this situation Person A makes with plans with Person B for something. After doing this Person C becomes available and so Person A wants to dump Person B.  Usually they make up a story about having to do something else or having a family member die (I once knew someone who went through 6 grandmothers before the other person caught on to the ploy.)

   

I have to admit, I have fallen for this a few times over my life and it is hurtful because the person thinks I’m stupid enough to not know (which I almost always do, because most people are terrible at lying believably), and I was only in the picture “If Nothing Better Comes Along”.  Some people go to incredible links to construct these situations, but again all behavior serves a purpose and how it affects others is not always figured into the equation.

More next time